Summertime Coaching Tips

The summer is upon us at last! For most, it has been a very difficult winter. For some, it was an impossible time. Snow, floods, job loss, illness, and war color the lives of many and even the sunshine, although most welcome, will not relieve the hardship. That being said, we must share with you some guiding principles that will help you feel fulfilled and blessed.

The first is that there is always someone who has it worse than we do. There is the classic story of the man who thought he had it bad because he had no shoes... until he met a man who had no feet. It is a good thing to remember when we feel discouraged by our life circumstances.

The second is that summer is a time for re-creation. We have an opportunity to reinvent ourselves and try to get a new outlook on where we are and where we are headed in our lives. Walks in the sun, dipping in the ocean, reading a relaxing novel, and experiencing quiet will help you to regroup and restore. Turn off the electronics and get back to basic living. Eliminate the background noise so you can re-boot your mind and your spirit.

Finally, be active in doing something that you enjoy. Get off the couch and get involved in sports (spectator or player), dance, prayer, and doing things that you can't do during the winter months.

Getting this program in play will help you to be more productive and happy in reaching your goals.

Enjoy!

Kindness versus Power

As life coaches and mental health therapists, we help people look at their lives, jettison what is not working, experiment with what may work, and then achieve the goal that our clients want. It takes work, effort, determination and character. These qualities are sometimes weak in our clients. Therefore, we must look at how to strengthen them so our clients can excel. We have many strategies to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time to perform this type of exercise. Many "classic" virtues have been blurred by our culture which values money, sex, and power more than anything. Sole devotion to these three entities is a recipe for disaster. Consequently, we must look at the greater virtues.

An illustrative issue right now is the controversy surrounding Mother Teresa of Calcutta's one- hundredth birthday. The owners of the Empire State Building have turned down a request to light the building in blue and white, the colors of the Mother Teresa's order- the Missionaries of Charity. These are a group of courageous women based in India but stationed throughout the world, including New York. Their mission is to take care of the "sickest of the sick" and all of society's outcasts. They take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and live them. I have had the great blessing of meeting Mother Teresa and her sisters and can only say that there is nothing we could ever do to thank them enough for the work that they have done over the years. Their work and example exudes charity and kindness, the likes of which our world desperately needs. They are role models for anyone who wants to succeed.

The controversy comes into play because a few years ago, the same owners of the Empire State Building dutifully illuminated it on the anniversary of Mao Zedong's communist revolution in China, celebrating atheistic communism. His regime was single-handedly responsible for tens of thousands of deaths of Chinese people. The communist model is a dismal failure that enslaves and devalues the individual for the good of the State. There are no redeeming qualities to celebrating it anywhere, especially in our great country. Nonetheless, there are forces in our country that will honor this evil and ignore the good works of a tiny nun who cared for AIDs patients when it was not popular and who cleaned and embraced the dying in the slums of India.

My friends, to achieve happiness and success, it is necessary to surround yourself with those people who are kind and practice virtue. You will learn from them how to find joy in finding the goodness that exists in every person. Embracing philosophies like communism that values the whole more than the parts is a sure way to be unhappy, materialistic, bitter, and a failure.

There are no material things that can give you true happiness. Stand up, look for people with virtue and embrace them. You will find real power and joy there.

Purpose

Many of our clients are unclear about what their goals in life should be. It can be very difficult to live one's life with joy when you are not sure where you should be headed. It is a rare person in these times who knows what their calling is. It used to be clear that children often followed in the footsteps of their parents. If their father was a pharmacist, then they would go into pharmacy. With the fragmentation of the family unit, that is no longer common. It may even be better that way.

As life coaches we try to explore with our clients what their vocation is. We never impose what we think on anyone because we feel strongly that each person must come to what their life "purpose" is in their own way and in their own time. What we do try to do is to eliminate certain "sticking points" that hold up their progress. We know that the earlier one comes to know what his calling is, the higher the likelihood that the individual will successfully answer the call.

Each of us has been put on this earth to make a difference for the better in other peoples' lives. At the Duffy Achievement Group, we believe that happiness and satisfaction are obtained when we fulfill that purpose. Everyone succeeds when our clients succeed.

Keep searching for your purpose in life.

Duffy Achievement Group

Life Coaching and Technology

Technology is a great thing, especially the new social media life- Facebook and Twitter. They allow you to keep in touch with people all over the world and permit you to share photos and ideas. The nice thing is that you can communicate when you have the time and when you want.

From our perspective as Life Coaches, the use of the telephone, fax machine, and email is a great plus for our clients. Clients experience the benefit of coaching from wherever they are and do not have to schedule out large blocks of time for travel. It is convenient and, because of the feeling of relative anonymity, clients tend to open up quickly and develop trust which are very important for the process to work. Clients like to have life coaches because the process is so different from psychotherapy. Most people who have a therapist will keep that fact confidential. On the other hand, most clients with life coaches tend to boast that they have this advantage. Although Life Coaching does not substitute for therapy, it does provide an unbiased, sympathetic sounding board that everyone needs in their life.

That being said, technology is a double edged sword that cuts both ways. It can be isolating and a time-sink that sucks up the individual into endless discussions, searches, and safaris into dangerous and perverted places. The sun may be shining outside but the computer can develop a strangle hold on its prey.

The same pseudo-anonymity that helps us coach people to LIVE, allows some people to say unkind things that they would never dream of saying face-to-face. It gives a sense of power and license that can destroy relationships and reputations. The facial and vocal cues of humor cannot be well conveyed through the written word or the embarrassing photograph unless the individual is an exceptional writer and comedian. Most of us do not have this type of talent.

Technology can make us more efficient but to do what? One can literally tweet for hours or escape to another electronic device- TV, video games, or back to the empty virtual corridors of the Internet where anything is available if the price is right.

One can develop a false sense of security and the ability to take on a new persona that can allow us to neglect the ones who love us, the goals we have, and to become an alter ego on impulse alone. The TV show "Dateline: To Catch a Predator," drives this home like a punch in the midsection. On it, men buy into a virtual fantasy world that is depraved and indifferent to their potential victims. Once caught, they are stunned by their own stupidity.

We all have forbidden impulses but keep them in check by staying anchored in what is good, non-selfish, and holy. We are able to accomplish when we avoid our weak, dark sides and stay in the sunshine, listening to our better angels.

Technology is great when it helps you succeed for your own good and the good of others. Otherwise, it is a dark tango with your bad impulses that first isolates and then perverts. Use it wisely. Shut off you computer and go for a walk. The sun is shining.

Career and Family

Many men and women have trouble juggling a demanding career with the needs of their spouse and children. There is much angst when a mother has to leave her children to return to the workforce. How will the kids survive without her? Will they think they are no longer loved? How will the parent survive without seeing the children as much as he or she did before?

In a recent episode of the "Office", Jim returns to work after his wife had their baby and he is guilt ridden. Of course, Dwight, the oddest of the bunch sees Jim's weakness and tries to exploit it. Jim falters because of his love for his child but in classic fashion, he rebounds and gets even with Dwight.

Although this subject is good fodder for a comedy show, there is nothing funny when this happens to you or someone you love. It is exceedingly hard to no longer be as present to your family as you were. These feelings of worry and guilt are normal and are actually very good. They are a manifestation of the love and the caring that a parent or spouse has for their children or significant other.

The fact of the matter is that life happens and it requires us all to adapt to change and circumstances beyond our control. If a family cannot survive on one income, then it is necessary for a second income to come to the rescue. This, in and of itself, is being a good mom or dad. It should also be a teachable moment for children to watch their parents deal with change and turn it around, making a seemingly bad situation into something that is good for the entire family. Here are a few concrete suggestions to accomplish this.

First, there is the concept of "sacrificial love." This is the strongest type of love in which one family member is willing to do without something or suffer for the good of the whole. It is taught not through words but through deeds. Children can be told, "There is nothing more in the world that I would rather do than stay home with you. But we all have to stick together and help mom (or dad) in paying the bills." Enlisting the children in the campaign is a very smart thing to do because they then will understand what is happening, observe your silent suffering, and start to contribute. They will be better people for it and someday outstanding parents.

Make time to eat together and rest together at least one or more times a week. This time must be sacred and all electronic and other potential interruptions need to be turned off. Family meals are times for exchanging ideas, not for listening to the news. If you must, get a DVR and record it. The children and your spouse must know that they have your undivided attention. You need to know the converse as well.

Another way of dealing with separation is to create happy memories whenever you can. Parents are the ultimate "memory makers." The memories we create will be spoken of long after we are gone. The element of surprise is a great tool for creating a memory. Here are a few examples;
- Plan a costume party for your adult friends AND their children not on Halloween but on a random day. The kids will love it and so will you.
- Write notes and put confetti in your spouse's and children's lunches.
- Take everyone on a surprise trip to the park, the beach, or the movies.
- Watch movies together and form a movie club electing one of your kids president.
- Get glass markers and write notes on your bathroom mirrors or on your car windows that make your kids smile.
- Have a drawing contest on every holiday and post the pictures on a bulletin board in your home. Scan them into your computer and make a slide show of them.

When you have time, be generous with it. Do what your family members want to do. In time they will want to do what you want. Generosity is self perpetuating in people.

Teach your family how to sacrifice by sacrificing for them.
- Watch football or baseball with your husband. In time, he will be watching "The Housewives of New York" with you.
- Eat some kind of food that everyone else likes and you don't, just so you can be part of the family unit.
- Have "Date Night" at least once or twice a month. Children love to see their parents spending time together. It is a great gift for your spouse and your children.
- Without notice, take the kids for a walk in the park or an outdoor picnic.

Give your children the gift of Faith. This virtue will get them through many difficult times in your life and theirs. Religion is something that is caught and not taught. Only you can give it. Worship together as a family as frequently as you can and take every opportunity to show your children the wonders and the goodness of Creation. Give thanks for what you have and for each other at every opportunity.

Make bag lunches and go with your family to distribute them to the homeless on the streets. Make it a family project. The children will experience firsthand what it means to be poor, alone, and without shelter. Talk about these things. This is a an act of Mercy, another quality that only you can give them.

Finally, make it your business to have "family vacations," even if they last for just a weekend. This gives you the opportunity to have everyone together and create memories that will be cherished for generations to come. It is OK to be a little "goofy" with your kids.

In these difficult financial times, there is no doubt that the family unit is strained. Other generations have faced the same or worse and emerged stronger because of the challenge. If you have a career and your family needs the income, go forward without guilt but with determination by making this a life lesson that will strengthen your spouse, children, and the generations that follow.

Be at peace.

Duffy Achievement Group for Life Coaching and Mentoring, LLC

Life Coaching Lesson from the Olympics

Joannie Rochette a Canadian six-time figure skating champion and bronze medalist in the Olympics made history. She was the first Canadian woman to win a figure skating medal in twenty-two years. It is quite an accomplishment.


Above and beyond that, she had to do it while in the midst of a personal tragedy and stay focused. He mother died suddenly a few days before her participation and she had to make the difficult choice to either stop competing or go forward. She chose the latter and did what she knew her mother would have wanted.

Isn't this what we all must do in our everyday lives? But do we do it? No.

All too often we stop moving and become stagnant in grief, in fear, in poverty, in relationships, in health, and in life in general. We become paralyzed.

When dealing with the human body, whenever there is a blockage that prevents the flow of blood, bile, urine (or anything else that should be moving), trouble sets in and we get sick. The same principle applies to our lives in general. Our minds and bodies were meant to be moving forward and achieving all of the time.

There is a time for quiet, rest, and solitude but not at the expense of forward progress. Ms. Rochette's mother knew this principle and taught her daughter it very well. Now Joannie will mourn her mother with her bronze medal in hand. It will never replace her but it will validate her mother's legacy. Her mom is smiling all of the way.

Take a page out of the Rochette playbook. Keep moving. Love those who love you and even some of those who don't. As long as you are moving forward, you have nothing to fear.

John Donne and Snow Flakes 2010

The blizzard of 2010 will go down in the record books. It will be highlighted as one of the worst storms in Washington, DC history. It taught us a few lessons.

The first is that a snow flake is one of the smallest of God's creations but when you get a large number of them together, they can be a formidable force. They have certainly done a job on business, industry, and our everyday lives. Many have been without power and others have become dependent on neighbors that they barely acknowledged existed before the storm. "Can I borrow your shovel?"

These snowflakes teach us that we are some how dependent on one another although we sit in our homes writing on Facebook and ordering online in isolation. Without a disaster, do we truly engage other human beings? Do we value them only when we need something from them?

The next lesson is that during this event a prominent Pennsylvania congressman died. He served his country as a Marine on the battlefield and for many years in Congress. He had supporters and detractors as most men do but his death went pretty much under-reported by the media. One radical individual in a Facebook posting celebrated the man's death and called him ugly names. He rejoiced in the man's suffering and demise.

This is where John Donne, the Renaissance man comes into this lesson. His classic statements that "no man is an island" and that "each man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind" ring truer today than ever. We may be twenty-first century intellectuals with "advanced" scientific knowledge but the fact remains: no one gets out of this life alive. During that journey every single person will need the help of another person, often a stranger, to make it through. I wonder what John Donne would have told our radical Facebook friend?

Perhaps he would say that we all share a common beginning and end and that we are all connected in a mysterious way. For him, a priest, that connection was through God. For someone else, it might be through Mother Earth. No matter whether we like it or not we share a commonality with each other. Each one of us will have a turn to suffer and then die and so it is foolish and cruel to ever rejoice in another man's misfortune. "...and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

The Blizzard of 2010 is in its final throws but we must persevere and seek out what is the correct journey for ourselves. Value the people you meet along the way and don't be afraid to collect a few friends who can help you find the way. Going it alone may be impossible. Be a blizzard, not a snowflake.

Check out John Donne- http://isu.indstate.edu/ilnprof/ENG451/ISLAND/